Set Adrift

Set Adrift is a collection of lyric poetry written from March – September 2012. It is arranged as a hypothetical album from the nonexistent band “The Vanishing Day.” So don’t look for it on iTunes or anything.

All the Proof I’ll Ever Need

are you such a friend to me
to read through obscene poetry
written from a heart that’s insecure?

no more songs of a lonely man
and no more cries of hurt i’ve had
i’m done with that, i’m finally moving on

but i still have wounds
and wounds mean pain
can you heal this, Lord? take them away?
and change these sullen tunes to hymns of praise?

‘cause you’ve already given me
all the proof i’ll ever need
to know that i am loved beyond belief
make my heavy heart to rest
in assurance of your faithfulness
i don’t ever want to move from there

you took me firmly by the hand
through surprising means and then
you’ve kept me thus far in your grace

‘cause what you save you also keep
from the evil, from the heat
somehow, Lord, you delight in me

how could it be too much to ask
that i fully change and don’t hold back?
create in me a pure, clean heart, O God

‘cause you’ve already given me
all the proof i’ll ever need
to know that i am loved beyond belief
break my heart enough to stay
wholly trusting you by faith
i don’t ever want to move from there

but you know i look for measures
and my eyes are on displays
that don’t tell me what is true
and are different everyday

if I want some kind of constance
in these ever-changing days
i know i’ve got to get it
from the One alone who saves

‘cause you’ve already given me
all the proof i’ll ever need
to know that i am loved beyond belief
steer my lonely heart to rest
in that belief; that rocky cleft
i don’t ever want to move from there

how long will you be, darling
at changin’ your mind
‘cause i’m just as sure about it
as i was the last time

it’s like i haven’t learned a thing

and what can we count on
not even one thing!
is a sure way to measure
the heart of another

can we even measure our own?

be patient with me, brothers, father, and Lord
‘cause i am no good
at giving these reigns over

and i’m flying practically blind

how come i am always the last one to heal?
but you’ve suffered worse
lost your mothers, your fathers, your hopes

so i count my blessings again

darling i’m trying, i’m trying not to be
a little more like martha
than i am like mary but my…

my heart is become a wraith

Lord, make me solid and whole again!
Lord, teach my heart to depend on you

how long will she be, Lord
how long will this take?
is the wrong question to ask
when souls are at stake

i’m so wrong
oh, lord, i am so wrong

march was beautiful but i won’t remember it that way
now i hope to not get washed away in april rains
may is my favorite – it means that we’re through
but i was through in february and so were you
now i’ve got sad eyes staring at hope
represented by nothing but the unknown

i hate these games i don’t even know i play
i hate the silence that follows me today
i hate not knowing what i should do with you
and i hate my crossed-armed attitude

this should be ending really pretty soon
sorrow shouldn’t last as long as the things we mourn for
c’mon april, let’s take the plunge
and get this over with – over with and done
this isn’t my problem but it’s sure a stumbling block
when i get beyond it will i finally stop looking back?

i hate these games i don’t even know i play
i hate the silence that follows me today
i hate not knowing what i should do with you
and i hate my crossed-armed attitude

i don’t need to feel better
i just need to get things done
matters not how bright the spring
when my heart’s not with the Son

i hate these games i don’t even know i play
i hate the silence that follows me today
i hate not knowing what i should do with you
and i hate my crossed-armed attitude

Lord, calm my doubting heart and cause my eyes to see
the blessings that you have in store and the ones you’ve given me

and let my downcast soul rest in your control
my eyes and hopes not of this Earth
lead my heart back home

Lord, cause my hate to flee and return to me no more
and everytime my ire’s stirred, please smother it again

help me to see as you they are just men too
to love and serve and not strike back
even when it hurts

Lord, make your presence known at all times of the day
remind me how you walk with me when i walk in your way

and though i’m set adrift from human anchorage
you’re more than i need to get along in peace
but i wouldn’t mind the extra company

i paid my restitution
and i am paying still
that’s what i deserve
but you got off without
so i’ll admit i hate you
if it’ll make it go away
i’m admit my problems
as long as they don’t stay

in one evening you took me back down
left me broken on the floor
left me broken on the ground
i am fragile i am shattered
i am mister glass

i don’t want to see that
i don’t want to know
be with who you will
go where you will go
now i’m left to wondering
what i still don’t wanna know
push me down the stairs
‘cause my bones heal slow

in one evening you took me back down
left me broken on the floor
left me broken on the ground
i am fragile i am shattered
i am mister glass

i am fragile i am shattered
i am mister glass

you can have your cake
and eat it too
but eventually it’ll eat you
you can go on wishing for awhile
then someone will come
and cause you to smile
i wanted to board a sinking ship
so i could be the one to rescue it
but when I saw what that was like
i wasn’t up to the task, not quite

in one evening you took me back down
left me broken on the floor
left me broken on the ground
i am fragile i am shattered
i am mister glass

i am fragile i am shattered
i am mister glass

summer’s always too short and i guess that was true
of the time that we met and i thought that i knew you

but now looking back i’ve never known anyone
to the degree that i’d like to call someone “love”

yeah, i know what i said and i know what i’ve done
and the distance that each is from the other one

first i was summer
then i was tom
thought you were autumn
guess i was wrong
now all i want is to be gone
waiting for autumn’s taking too long

so lord, it’s not good for this man to be alone
but so far no suitable helper’s been found

how can you tell me “start looking around”?
there’s two point eight million people in this town

first i was summer
then i was tom
thought you were autumn
guess i was wrong
now all i want is to be gone
waiting for autumn’s taking too long

she was the one that got away
she was the object of my songs
a failure of imagination
when autumn comes along
but i don’t know where or when that’ll be
and i have trouble trusting things
that aren’t in front of me

first i was summer
then i was tom
thought you were autumn
guess i was wrong
now all i want is to be gone
waiting for autumn’s taking too long

sitting out
underneath the stars
out here
we are so alone
as they align
above my head
everyone finds theirs
i’m still looking for mine

skyburst
skyburst
i’m worst
i’m worst
i’m worst

a good friend once said
“keep holding on
one day, my friend
your chance will come”
but i have waited
and nothing came
i knew these things
weren’t meant to be

skyburst
skyburst
i’m worst
i’m worst
i’m worst

skyburst
skyburst
i’m worst
i’m worst

i could try for things that’ll never be
i could strike it rich and squander it
i could one day find my star beneath the clouds
i could drop my ways and go for it
i could find that i’m not worth it
i could one day find my star beneath the clouds

skyburst
skyburst
skyburst…

didja miss me?
not at all
hold me through the winter
or at very least the fall

you owe me nothing
not at all
and I want nothing from you
so take a bow

so move on
not at all
your heart
move it all
along
down the way
to an ordinary stint on stage

do you want to see me?
not at all
you left me for the summer
and you left me very small

i am just a child without dreams
an ordinary stint is all I’ve seen

so move on
not at all
your heart
move this great, great wall
does it budge?
not at all
so pray that God is pushing
and perhaps he’ll make it fall

will you go away?
not at all
so bring lights
light it up

should i be honest how i feel?
and say things
that can’t be changed
not at all
not at all

autumn are you coming?
not at all
if and when you ever come:
bring the summer, not the fall
mix my metaphors together
break them all
can you make some sense of me?
none
not at all
but i can’t really blame you
not at all

i’m on my best behavior
but it won’t last too long
for the simple reason
i don’t really know what i want

but when i think i do
i’ll put you on notice
i’ll dress up nice for it
in a halloween costume

‘cause i don’t really know
what it is i want
but i think i do
that’s why i am a fool

you don’t have to leave me
for me to feel you’re gone
i’m lonely on the inside
where no one comes around

and if you visit me there
you’ll go through all my sin
can you clean this mess up
i’ve given up on it!

‘cause i don’t really know
what it is i want
but i think i do
that’s why i am a fool

this is why i need you
because i am no good
you delight in me, God
you’re the only one who could

what else can i do now
i can only ask for you
help me lay my life down
i really don’t want to

‘cause i don’t really know
what it is i want
the man who trusts in you
no longer is a fool

maybe i will look back
and say “i was so carefree”
or maybe these are the lonely days
i trust that they could be

we are young and joyful
so we head out on the town
to drink coffee, alcohol
or just to walk around

i hope these aren’t the “good old days”
but i know they probably are
when my world’s safe in harbor
and my body’s far from harm

never say it can’t get worse
and never trust you’re safe
the heart’s only as strong as
the object of its faith

so if i’m feeling broken
it’s ‘cause i am just a man
who isn’t good enough at
living life out of God’s hand

i hope these aren’t the “good old days”
but i know they probably are
when my world’s safe in harbor
and my body’s far from harm

hope you can join me for awhile
i hope you aren’t too far
i ought to hope in Christ above
but i live too often in the dark

reality is how i’m feeling
no, that reality is fake
or at least it’s not a truth
in decisions i should make

i hope these aren’t the “good old days”
but i know they probably are
when my world’s safe in harbor
and my body’s far from harm

when these days betray us
and the lights go out again
we will be the candleholders
we will no longer live with sin

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